I don’t think there’s a delicate or PC way to go about this topic. I doubt any Budding Fort Collins readers are squeamish conservatives, so I don’t think anyone will be offended. But fair warning, we’re going to get TMI about THC. We’re going to talk about Foria, the newest cannabis product to hit Colorado shelves. While we’re familiar with edibles and different strains of flower, this is a new future for marijuana. Sex lube.
When I first saw this product and discovered that it was only available in California, I was exceptionally disappointed that we wouldn’t be able to try it out to see if it really worked. Honestly, it sounded like a gimmick. Sex and weed have gone hand-in-hand for generations, but not like this. Medicinal marijuana has been utilized in tinctures and salves for many patients in pain, a delivery mechanism I’m completely unfamiliar with as a regular smoker, with a vaporizer, and the occasional edible consumer when hell nearly freezes over. I don’t slather concentrated THC on my joints. But apparently I’ll slather it on my vag.
Lo and behold, after wondering if I should attempt to make cannabis sex lube myself from a coconut oil and cannabis extract recipe, Foria graced the shelves of Organic Alternatives at $50 for a vial of sex in liquid form. This product is revolutionary in the way that it’s designed exclusively for women. There are all sorts of enhancements for men, from viagra to cialis, even down to the herbal performance improving ginseng. Sadly, the ladies of the world have been left out of the enhancement conversation, and often stereotypically thought of as the low libido partner (holy shit is this stereotype wrong). The fact that there’s something to help women experience new sexual pleasures is amazing no matter if it’s cannabis-laden or not.
So, with this new cannabis opportunity in front of us, we decided to explore some new horizons and give it some thorough testing to see if it was the real deal.
First, some background…
I’m not going to get too terribly graphic about what goes on behind closed doors over here. Simple statement: Bill and I have a really great time together regularly. We’re not the “in the missionary position with the lights off for the sole purpose of procreation” type. So, I’ll leave it at that. I’m not trying to fix anything with Foria or needing any miracle libido cures. We’re good.
We smoke out each and every time we get it on. We’re daily smokers, always at night, high before sex and then an after sex smoke. There are strains that have absolutely killed our libidos, what we affectionately call “sleepy weed,” and there are strains that reinforce it. But there has rarely been a strain that actually enhances our drives. Bill seems to vaguely remember it happening once, but can’t remember the strain since it was years ago. So, we’ll just say that it’s a part of our regular sexual experience either way.
Now, I’ve been a restaurant reviewer for six years, so I have the review process down pat. I took notes on this process (I’m not even kidding – you’re welcome). We used it more than once. We used it on our crazy Friday nights and we tested it out on a regular old Tuesday nights. Because of this testing, we now have a new inside sex joke, “hey, do you want a Tuesday on a Monday? wink, wink“.
I read reviews from other publications first. I read one about how the writer felt “loosy goosey” down below. What the fuck does that mean? Uh, isn’t that a bad thing? Are we talking hotdog down a hallway loose? Because – PASS. Then there was the article with a few different women testing it out, and I felt confused by all of the different opinions. Whatever. It was going to do something or nothing. Let’s just do this.
Friday nights are not typical nights, other than we do this every Friday. They are fueled by tequila cocktails, blunts, and “fun pills” (you’re going to have to read a different blog about those, and it’s already in the works to launch in a couple of weeks). We just added Foria to the mix to see what would happen.
The directions state:
Apply 4-8 sprays directly onto the clitoris, inner and outer labia, and inside the vagina. Internal application provides the highest absorption.
Allow at least 30 minutes to up to an hour to relax and fully absorb the medicine – a great time for foreplay and sensual massage. Pleasure yourself alone or with a partner as you desire.
Eating a good meal 1-2 hours before might impact efficacy, as THC is fat soluble. As with all use of medical marijuana, plan your day accordingly and be safe.
Soooo, they make it sound like my pussy is about to get stoned. Awesome. Bill suggested I go with 8 sprays.
“I pretty much did 12 trying to make sure I got it inside” I replied in a text to him as he was downstairs. “It’s been 10 minutes since the sprays. Fuck yeah, science!”
Clearly, we were excited for testing.
A lot of awesome things went on. Things were more enhanced. More sensitivity, more blood flow, more wet, more of everything (wink, wink, nudge, nudge). My notes at the end, “Overall – fucking five stars.”
Now, I know we couldn’t judge this on a Friday night experience alone, and I suspected that “warming up” with the oil for at least 30 minutes probably helps a lot of women relax and get into it. So we tested it out on a Wednesday night – no tequila cocktails, no blunts (but we did smoke a bit before).
“Awesome orgasm. Not comparable to Friday night, although still amazing,” were the notes.
So, there’s an average weekday experience. I didn’t think the oil made a difference one way or the other this time. I was beginning to think that Foria was giving women a placebo effect.
We tested it out again on another weekday night, and Mondays are the nights that we’re both typically spent, tired from working all day, and not rolling around in the sheets. I couldn’t think of a more perfect day to test efficacy of enhancement oil.
It was incredible. I think the biggest difference is how it makes it easier to do more of the things you maybe already do, or hope to do. Enhancement is the perfect word for all of this. This is next level oil. I think the key is an excited, encouraging mental state, though.
“I don’t know if it’s the oil or me,” I told Bill afterward.
“It’s the oil. After fucking you thousands of times, knowing you more than anyone else, it’s the oil.” he replied.
And there you have it. It works. $50 well spent.